Because I care about the opposite sex and really hate to see you guys mess up. I try to give you as much insiders detail on the infrastructure of a woman’s emotions that will enable you to handle your situations a little better. In case you have not figured it out by now, women are emotional creatures. Some are more dramatic and sensitive than others, but it is innately in our DNA to be as such. What I would really like to see more men do is become more responsible and honor the woman’s heart. Take the time to understand the story behind the emotions.At church this week ( I go to Crossroads by the way) one of our pastors talked about the dichotomy between relationship and responsibility and how there needs to be a balance of both concepts in any relationship. Men, if you are going to engage in a relationship with a woman, you have to accept the responsibility of doing right by her emotions. This means if you are not interested in her, be responsible enough and tell her; if you only want a platonic relationship, don’t engage in sexual activity when you know she wants more; if you are not looking for a wife, stop asking her to do wifely things; and if you are dating someone else but you see that a woman is emotionally attached to you, be man enough to tell her what the situation is. I don’t want to put the obligation completely on the man (I’m going to get to the ladies in a second) because a woman needs to check her emotions and do the responsible thing for her feelings as well. When there isn’t any responsibility on either sides this is how a typical rant goes from a woman. Ready?
* If you are an elder, a member of my church, my mommy, or a “youngin” I apologize for some of the things that I am getting ready to say. I’m sure you will understand.
“You dumb fuck! Who do you think you are? How in the hell are you going to walk into my life, treat me like shit, and just dump me like that? What the fuck?! I can’t believe, I can’t believe I tolerated and fell for all that bullshit that you were feeding me! I paid your fucking rent, took care of your damn kids, gave you sex when you wanted it, cooked for you, and I defended you! How could you do this to me?! I loved you and I gave you everything, yet you treat me like shit! You never loved me and you never cared, otherwise you would’ve never taken me through this bull shit.
Yea I heard about you out there with some other girl. That’s how I know you never cared about me. I’m here crying and hurting and you are already with someone else. It’s not fair! It’s not fair that you can just up and move on and I’m the only left dealing with what happened to us. I gave you so much of me and you can just turn me off like that?! How? You told me that you loved me; You told me that I was the only one for you; You shared with me things that you have never told anyone; and I gave you my heart and you knew how hard it was for me to do that. How could I be so stupid?”
Does that sound about right ladies?
I know. I have been there. I have said some of those same words and had some of those same thoughts. And although I know the title of this message implies that this is a message for men this is a message for my ladies. This is a message from a pissed off woman.
I am pissed off that us women don’t know how to keep things in perspective and we give so much of ourselves so soon to men that haven’t even proven they are worthy of us! I am pissed off because all we do is cry about what went wrong but we hardly ever take personal accountability for our choices. Think about it for a second. In your last, or current, crappy relationship how many times did that man show you who he was?; how many times did he say he was going to change but didn’t?; how many times did you allow him to get away with murder?; and how many times did you ALLOW him to treat you like crap? Now I understand there are certain circumstances that we can’t predict or control, but when you have a repeat offender on your hands, and still do nothing, there comes a time where YOU have to take a look in the mirror. Most of the pain that we endure in our relationships can be prevented if we just stand up for OUR hearts and take responsibility for OUR joy and not allow certain foolishness to take place.
Yes, I have been on the opposite side where nothing was my fault and it was all on him (so I believed). Sure, there are some actions that he could have done to not allow the situation to get as deep as it did, but he was a repeat offender and instead of playing my defense I remained open. I did nothing. I gave him the power. And yes, I was a pissed off woman. But when I stepped out of that relationship, and realized the power that I have and that I am not unable to make choices for me, let me tell you something ladies, I felt empowered and felt relief that, although I may go through more pain in life, I actually determined the extent of that because I don’t have to put up with foolishness unless I want to (and who wants to, right?).
You have a choice, stay in the pain you are in or get out. Continue to allow his bullshit to take place, or don’t. Allow him to run game on you, or create your own defense. Until a man proves that he is worthy, you have to protect yourself. True intimacy cannot be established in a few months. It takes time to fully let your guard down and let someone see who you really are as the way God sees you. But you have to allow that man to prove to you that he is that person and vice versa. Men have been scarred to, I totally understand that. But make that man open the car door for you, make that man wait to have sex or wait until you are married, make that man come to your door and take you out on a date, allow him to give you the red carpet treatment before you cook for him. Simply put, engage in courtship. People jump into relationships too fast now of days. But one last thing, ladies you don’t have to be hard, mean, or bitchy. Be graceful, be honest, and be classy about the situation. Don’t make him pay for what someone else did to you. If you feel that it is hard for you to do that, then its best you stay single (which is a conversation that I am actually having with myself). Ladies I love you. You are more powerful and stronger than what you know. Our standards are actually the missing link that men need to full grow into a man. We help mold them into the man they want to become by creating standards for them to rise to. If you don’t have any then your basically with a boy.
I know you deserve better.
You know you deserve better.
Take your time.