When going through our journey’s and experiences of dating, we all come across one person that was so great, so wonderful and everything that we could ever hope for but we found a way to screw it up or they simply came at the wrong time. I like to call to those individuals “Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda’s”. My “shoulda, coulda, woulda” is Raphael Dennison (using this name for his privacy). When I was in high school, I was dating the jock guy. You know what I mean? Varsity athlete, popular guy throughout the school, and the guy that was so cool that everyone wanted to be friends with him. Needless to say, he broke my heart. Well I started dating Raphael shortly after just to have someone there to take the edge off of my heart ache; otherwise known as the “rebound guy”. Well the varsity guy started to come back around, and although I didn’t go back to him, I realized that I was being unfair to Raphael, so I ended it. He was wonderful! To add insult to injury, he liked me since we were in the seventh grade. I was his one true crush and I hurt him. Damn! To this day I regret that decision. But I have managed to have several relationships after him. But in the back of my mind, I have always wondered how he was doing and how bad I hurt him.
Thinking of this particular situation has me wondering a few things: Is it healthy to go into another relationship with the regret of not being with someone else? Are we really able to give the current person in our life the full attention that they deserve if part of us is still in the past? And when do we let go of the possibility of what could have been and accept the now?
In life, there is the situation and there is the problem. The situation is something that can be proven in court and verified by facts. The problem is something that we create in our heads and stems from emotions that we attach to the situation. For instance, a relationship could end because one partner wanted to be married and the other didn’t. From a situational perspective, the two just wanted different things; however, from a problematic perspective the person who wants to get married may feel that he/ she wasted their time, something is wrong with them, what did or didn’t they, if they will ever get married, etc. Why is it so difficult for some of us to look at the situation for what is without all the extra baggage?
I have had to learn through my experiences, moving on is hard. It is even more difficult when you are still in the past. And when you move on you leave the entire if’s, and’s, or but’s behind you. Moving on means there is no more wonder about the other person and the possibilities of what could have been. The past is not meant to go back to relive, it is to be used as a reference of our maturity and as a testimony to our growth. If those feelings still exist then there are only two options. You either explore those possibilities once and for all to give yourself closure or….you let it go.
Watch this clip. Fast forward to 6:38 and watch the rest of the clip.