I’ve recently made the leap to begin a relationship with one of my most favorite people in the world. I’ve known him since we attended middle school together and we also went to the same high school. However, life led us down different paths and we lost contact with each other for some time. About 3 years ago, he found me on Facebook and we have been connected ever since.
I know that my faithful blog followers love my articles where I conduct interviews where I am on the chopping block, so I thought I would write another article in the same format. This time its with my boyfriend. My love and a very very good friend.
BF: Why did you decide to date a close friend?
ME: To be honest with you, this may sound corny, but I honestly didn’t feel that I had a choice (in a good way). It was easy for me to date you because in the beginning it didn’t feel like dating. It was as if we were extending our friendship. We already had that rapport and didn’t have to go through that terrible awkward beginning stage of dating where you didn’t know the person that you were dating at all and had to learn all of their dislikes and likes. We were homies and I was already comfortable with you. I know we were both nervous in the beginning because we are such good friends we didn’t want to hurt that friendship even if nothing grew beyond a friendship.
BF: How am I different from any other guy you’ve dated?
ME: Well for starters, you’re from the East Coast; you have no problem letting the world know how you feel about me; you don’t take my bullcrap; you pray for me; and you genuinely and truly want what is best for me. Another thing is that you express your emotions to me freely, which is going to take some time for me to get used to. I think it is a good thing that I don’t have to try too hard to get you to tell me how you feel about certain things. Now how we communicate our feelings are very different from each other but I think we are starting to understand those differences.
BF: What encouraged you to be in a relationship?
ME: When you and I started dating earlier this summer, I was very vocal and transparent about not wanting to be in a relationship and how we both should keep our options open. We were both in two very different spots in life so it was okay. I was still dating other people and you just got out of a not-so-good relationship yourself. Therefore, we both agreed to take it slow and see where it would go. Before you and I started dating, I got to this place where I was tired of dating different people. It was mundane, I wasn’t getting anything out of it, and I was just tired of dating all together. I told my friends that I was done with dating. You were like a breath of fresh air, but I still didn’t want to move forward. But somewhere along the way, my heart started to soften and my mind started to open up to the possibility; even though I was fighting it all the way. It had gotten to the point where I realized that I was lying to myself and that I did want you. In so many ways you encouraged me to not be afraid and I gave you such a hard time but you still remained when other guys would’ve left. I was so scarred by previous relationships and I was scared of us actually working out for some reason. Sometimes when we pray for something and we finally get it, it is difficult for us to respond or accept the answer to our prayers. I’m glad I answered this one.
BF:You were dating other guys at the same time you were dating me. Why did you choose me?
ME: Because you wouldn’t take no for an answer. Seriously, I didn’t have to work as hard to trust you because we’ve known each other for 18 years. It was easy for me to trust your character and you make me feel like the only woman in the world, which wasn’t attention that I was use to receiving. I think our connection was and is a big part of it as well.
BF: What feelings do I trigger when we are around?
ME: You make me feel like a 15 year old girl that had a crush on a boy in her English class in 9th grade. We have a dual relationship where we act like we are homies one minute and then love birds the next. I like how we are not super-duper lovey dovey all the time. I love the versatility of our relationship.
BF: If there was one thing you could change about me, what would it be?
ME: That is a trick question. When I made the decision to date you I knew that I had to accept everything about who you are and where you are in life now. All of the “paper traits” that most women look for in a man at the age of 30 (i.e. college educated, house, car, big bank account, perfect credit score, etc.) wasn’t something that I could use as leverage to decide if you and I were a good fit. Although you do possess some of those things, I knew that if I was going to be with you, I had to judge that decision based off your character and ambition as a man. Everything else wasn’t a reason. At times, I found myself thinking “If he only had this” or “If he only had that then we will be okay”. What I realized in our courtship is that I’ve dated and been in relationships with men where they looked okay on paper, but they didn’t have anything to offer my heart and none of them made me feel the way you do. None of them prayed with me and for me; none of them had the hunger that you do; and most of them didn’t have a plan. You have a passion to learn and to always do better and that is very attractive and admirable. So, had you asked me that question 4 months ago, I would have given you an entire list, but now I wouldn’t want you to change anything. I just want to see you grow and see you become a better person than you were the day before. Everything else will come.
BF: You told me the other day that you value me as a man. What made you say that?
ME: I think often times women can only see what a man has yet to accomplish. We live in a very competitive society and I think men are always at war within themselves when they feel they don’t have or they aren’t where they need to be by their own standards. That is where women need to come in and calm that storm and say “Hey, I am proud of you and I respect you as a man”. We need to build into our men more because I believe that is only going to make men stronger and work harder for what they want when they feel the love and support they receive from their woman is given with grace. So when I said I ‘valued’ you as a man that was my way of acknowledging you and giving my support for everything that you are doing. We have to start celebrating the small successes of our partners and letting them know they are appreciated.
BF: What is your favorite thing about our relationship so far?
ME: Our friendship and Wednesday nights when we come together and have honest conversations about what our personal struggles with our spirituality and life in general. Our own little bible study that we do together. I love that we both want God as the center of our lives and in our relationship and we actually spend time in that space. It also helps us to get to know each other better and grow closer. I’ve never had that before so it’s pretty darn amazing.