One of my favorite songs by Beyoncé is “Kitty Kat”. Ladies if you listen to the “Queen B” then you know all about this song. For those of you who have never heard this song before, you might want to listen to it before reading this blog entry. Moving on, I remember when I lived in Marietta, GA and I was with a group of gorgeous women simply getting ready to go to a strip club (Oh yea babe. That’s what they do down there). Before we headed out to partake of the wonderful experience of booty clapping and single dollar bills raining, we were listening to this song. As the music kicks in, we threw one hand in the air and started swaying from side to side and began singing:
You know I hate sleeping alone
But you said that you would soon be home
Baby that was a long time ago
I’m not feeling it.
I’m not feeling it.
On top of you not calling me back
You see I bet you think it’s all on track
And you acting like its all of that
I’m not feeling it.
I’m not feeling it.
Now to some, this song may give the idea that the women who subscribe to the message of this song need a lot of attention. To others, the message may be interpreted as a woman wants what she wants when she wants it and when she doesn’t get it she and the “Kitty Kat” are leaving. Right? Well depending on the story about which this need is coming from will decide an exact understanding of the need that is being expressed. So, I am going to opt to throw myself under the bus, yet again, to explain to whoever is reading this entry my fascination of this song.
I’m going to be as honest as possible, men, a woman has needs! We want sexual gratification, if it’s good, just as much as you do. I never bought into the idea that the man is always ready to engage in sexual activity. That is crap and most of you men know it that is why you are smiling. As mentioned before, women are a bit needy and that level of neediness ranges on different levels. One of the biggest things that we need is affection and that is not limited to holding hands, kissing, and cuddling.
Women enjoy sex for different reasons than men do (this is my opinion). Women enjoy sex for the intimacy and the connection that is established during the love-making. Although there is a physical aspect to that as well, sex is more to us than the physical act. Men are more driven by the physical aspect of sex before intimacy, most of the time. Men like the boobs hoping, butt jiggling, and ass smacking part of this sacred interaction. To a certain degree women enjoy those elements as well; but it isn’t what drives us to have sex.
We want the affection and the foreplay, more than anything. It plays into our fantasy and it makes us feel desirable, sexy, and allows us to tap into the “power of the BLEEP”. Even a woman with the lowest self-esteem comes into euphoria when she is feeling sexy. Our “stuff” can make an old man get his glasses/ make Wesley pay his taxes/ make you follow our moves every week on twitter//probably make a gay man reconsider (QUICK—WHAT RAP SONG?). It’s a prized possession. Women are prized possessions. So when men begin to “play” us and our “stuff” likes it doesn’t do anything for him; like he wasn’t yelling “It’s yours” the night before; and like he wasn’t sending us text messages the other day about how he can’t wait to tap that ass again, we have to pack up the Kitty Kat and move on since he doesn’t want it. Someone else will, right?
Now here is the kicker. Although songs like this are empowering to women, we rarely follow the basic premise of what this song is suggesting. Chances are if it’s good to him, it’s great to us and just like there’s the “power of the BLEEEP”, there is also power in the male genitalia area as well. And ladies you know as well as I know when you find a guy whose love-making is the business and you go at it like champions, you might as well cut out our spinal cord because we are paralyzed and hypnotized at the same time, especially if you are in love. So what happens to the Kitty Kat? It keeps its butt right there in that bed waiting for him to come through our door.
There is a way for this to be avoided. Are you ready for it? Keep your stuff to yourself. If you are a virgin or have chosen a life of celibacy, KEEP IT! There is no need to bring in all the emotional turmoil that comes along with giving up the goods. When sex plays a factor in any relationship it makes things complicated and blinds you from seeing the person and your relationship clearly. Enjoy learning who that person is and what their passions are in life. There is a level of intimacy that can only be exchanged when you choose to not engage in sexual activity with someone. I know it sounds a bit ridiculous, but it’s true. Intimacy doesn’t only come from having sex. It comes from having an authentic relationship with someone and learning about their shortcomings, flaws and finding beauty in them. This is called courtship ladies and gentlemen. Or are people still having sex within the first couple of weeks of meeting someone and shacking up one to two months later? I am no saint, but I have learned from the mistakes that I have made in my past relationships that rushing into something only leads to regret, most of the time, later.
Also, not everyone can handle your “stuff”. If you decide to engage in sexual activity before you truly get to know someone you may wake up the next morning with them talking about how they want you have their babies, possessive over every guy you talk to, text you throughout the day about how he needs you, and make plans for the two of you to move to another state. Or is that just me who experienced that?
Anyway, take your time! If a person likes you today, chances are, they will like you tomorrow. If they don’t then keep moving. You are prized possession, both man and woman, and not everyone is worthy of all that you have to give. God sees you as a gift, and you will get treated like one when you begin to see yourself the same way.