Do you have any questions that you would like to ask your ex from way back? You ever wonder what they may think of you now? Well I granted permission to an ex boyfriend of mine that I dated over ten years ago to ask me whatever questions he wanted to ask me. I figure that this would be very interesting and educational. Nevertheless, I decided to go through with it anyway. For his privacy I used the name John Doe(JD). Okay, enjoy the interview.
JD: You use to do your happy dance all the time, what happened to it?
BS: You know what is so funny, when you and I reconnected you reminded me about that “happy dance” and I couldn’t remember it for the life of me. I knew that I did something when I was excited, but could not remember exactly what it was. But one day I was driving home from work and for some reason it came to me and I just started laughing hysterically. I can’t believe that I did that stupid dance. I am so glad that I outgrew that part of myself. I still do little stuff that demonstrates my excitement, but the “happy dance” is not one of them.
JD: I met you as a girl and now you are a woman. Did I play a role in your development into woman hood?
BS: Absolutely! This year I just started embracing my womanhood, actually. Meaning, I am now in a place where I am finding beauty in my flaws, the strides in my walk has more meaning, and loving my body and all of its imperfections. I do think that every situation that I have been through, romantically and un-romantically, has contributed to who I am and has made me better. I don’t look at our situation as a waste of time or anything like that. I find it liberating because now I know more about what I want and who I am. So yes, in so many ways, I am more of a woman because of you.
JD: You have such pretty hair, why do you wear fake hair now?
BS: You are so funny! I honestly don’t know. I use to think that wearing weave meant that you were trying to be something that you aren’t. I only resorted to wearing braids because then you knew that it was fake hair. But my hair is natural right now (naturally curly) and I am wearing weave until my natural hair gets to a certain length where I can wear a huge Afro. But I like the look that weave gives me at the same time. I feel like I look more like a woman in a weird way. Also, it is very low maintenance. But you’re right, I do have pretty hair.
JD: You can cook! What changed in your life to give you such a love for cooking now?
BS: I do not know. I ask myself that question all the time. I didn’t really care too much for cooking back in the day. But these past 2-3 years I just grew into it and feel in love with it. I feel like cooking could be “the one”. It is the one thing that I can do where I escape from all reality and get creative.
JD: You have pretty skin. Why do you feel the need to wear makeup now?
BS: It’s a part of growing up I think. I don’t wear it every day (I don’t have that kind of time) but wearing makeup is what comes along with the territory of being a woman, I think. Just like there is a time where men start wearing button-ups and get rid of the jerseys. There is no difference.
JD: I hurt you in the past. What do you think helped you forgive me as time went on?
BS: To be honest with you, going through life made me just forget about what we went through. Since our relationship, I have had some significant life situations that makes what you and I went through look like a paper cut. That isn’t to be disrespectful; it just is what it is. You and I have talked about some of those experiences that I have gone through these past 10 years. The greatest is the loss of my son. Having a child is the greatest love that someone can experience. Nothing else compares. But losing your child is the greatest pain. You won’t go through anything worse. And once you have gone through pain like that, it makes all other loses seem…stupid and insignificant. Not to mention, time just heals all wounds. Once I moved on that gave me a new perspective on things at the same time. Now I consider you a great male friend of mine.
JD: When I told you I cheated on you, you still wanted to be with me, would the Nicole of today still do the same thing?
BS: No! Not at all. At the time I was a teenager with no security in herself, naive, and love was very new to me. I never had a real relationship until I met you. So I wanted to hang on to what was new to me because it felt good. When you have someone taking care of you, loving you, and you have a good relationship you don’t want to lose that, even if that person hurts you. But now I have learned that there is a beginning and an end to everything. I know my worth and what I will and will not stand for. I know that if I was with someone and they cheated on me that they are clearly not man enough to walk away from temptation and I don’t want them in my life simply because they are incapable of making responsible choices. When I say responsible choices I don’t just mean not wanting to hurt me, but not be considerate and responsible enough to respect his and my body, and to recognize when a situation has the potential to cause more hurt than joy. I feel that if a man just does what he wants, with who he wants, then he will treat his woman just the same…something to do. However, we were both kids at the time and we were both stupid. But I couldn’t tolerate that kind of behavior now.
JD: Your best friend hates me still to this day. If I were to ask you out on a date and she told you not to go would you listen to her?
BS: Ms. Dollar is a very interesting individual. My best friend would absolutely forbid it, but she will get over it because she loves me. I think that is the great thing about your girlfriends. We stick together no matter what we do and say to each other and no matter who does what to us. Dayana is the most loyal friend EVER. She has never judged me and, I believe, is one of the very few people on this planet that truly sees me beyond what I see in myself. With that, she is very protective of me as well. So although I have forgiven you, she has not. I’m telling you, she is like a pit-bull in a skirt. She doesn’t mess around with those that she truly cares about. But her opinion is very important to me and it is important to me that she likes who I date. It’s not the end of all things, but it would be hard to date someone she didn’t like…at all. I have dated a few guys that she did not approve and they all ended, mostly because of her instinct about them in the first place.
JD: So you have been though a lot with this man and that man. So you have some wear and tear on you. What makes you think that you are even a good woman?
BS: Good question Mr.Doe! I know I am still a good woman because I still believe in love. It gets hard sometimes, but I know that my husband, whoever he may be, is out there wondering where I am. But I will say, when we find each other, he will be the happiest man in the world. I’m talking giving him support, a spiritual partner, I’ll rub his feet, make sure I look good at all times, a “soldier”, sex whenever he wants it, and all other things that he deserves because he is going to do the same, if not more, for me. But I have been through a lot with men. But none of them are capable of stealing away my joy or desire to want something that they were not capable of giving me. It’s life.
JD: A lot of women these days get hurt by men and they turn to dating women. Why didn’t you?
BS: It’s simple, I’m not a lesbian. Also, women are too emotional. We are nurturing, great communicators, sensitive, and romantic but it will be all too much for me. I need to be man-handled sometimes. A woman can’t do that for me. I think women are beautiful, but I can’t play for that team. I’m not that “emotional” either. It makes me uncomfortable.
JD: I tell you all the time that you look mad in the face and you need to smile more. So do you think the old saying is true “you catch more flies with honey then you do vinegar?”
BS: First of all, I don’t think I look that mean all the time. I think I have a very pleasant face. Plus, I don’t want flies. They are nasty. They throw up and shit everywhere they land (sorry mom).
JD: If you went a long time without any sexual activity, would you ever consider having a one night stand?
BS: I like to think that I have more control over my body than I think. To that, I do know that the flesh is weak. So it’s hard for me to answer that question because you never know what may happen. But I set boundaries that will prevent certain things from happening and I have been successful so far. I know that is not a straight forward answer, but you get the point.
What questions would you ask your ex?