Lately, I have received several questions from the male gender about the “emotionality” of women. So much so that I have decided to dedicate this blog to men, again, to try to help you guys out and understand why us women do the things we do and react the way we react. My answers are strictly from my perspective and I am in no way a professional. A good idea is to make my Chocolate Malt Brownie Ice cream, if you are a female, print off this blog for further conversation and have a Girls Night. If you are a guy, make my Mexican Meatballs or one my burgers and buy a 12 pack of your favorite brew, invite some of your female friends over, and have a dialogue about this and gain their perspectives. These questions are from Glamour magazine from their article, “ 11 Things Guys Don’t Understand About Women”.
1. Why do women want to get married? Isn’t love enough? Where do I begin with this one? I am going to try to give a blanket answer, but also understand that there are several variables that exist among each woman to consider.
To women, marriage is security. It is the end of a long road of dating, which is torturous, and marks the beginning of a new life with the one that she chooses. No more will she ever have to wonder if a guy likes her, if he will call, or if he is being monogamous. She can now begin to plan their lives together, have children, and live happily ever after. Every woman wants a “Happily Ever After”. Marriage is also the ultimate sacrifice of love that man can do for a woman. To a woman, a man marrying her provides her with a sense of worth and validation. For a man to marry a woman, he is ultimately saying, “There is no one else in this world that I would rather spend my life with and you are the woman whom I have waited for my whole life”. It is the joining of assets, liabilities, insecurities, and personal baggage. When a man and woman marries no longer are you individuals, you are one. This is the most romantic thing a man can do for a woman.
Love isn’t enough because it never is. It is not okay for a man and a woman to live a life of a married couple and doesn’t strive to reach that destination, unless it is mutually decided (this is why I will never live with a man). For a man to not want to get married to a woman that he clearly adores, loves, and has been faithful to implies that he is lazy and, perhaps, she isn’t enough. Women know that if a man wants something, he will do whatever it takes to get it. If a man wants a certain car, a certain amount of money in his bank account, a certain outfit, a job, season tickets to the Bengals games, he is going to get it. Period. That same mindset should apply to women as well. So if there is no forward movement to give a woman the security and long-lasting love that she seeks, but there is a continuous hustle of trying to get everything else (i.e. money, prestige, self-validation) then that tells us that we are not enough and that we are not a priority, which is why we walk. Love isn’t enough because women want more. Hopefully that makes sense.
2. Why do women have so much attitude? Oh boy! I struggle with this one some myself sometimes. There can be so many factors to this one, but I am going to try to keep it simple. It is our nature. It really is that simple. Just like it is in the nature of a man to be “simple” it is in the nature of a woman to be a little emotional sometimes. A flaw in the female DNA is that we set very high pedestals for any man that we are involved with before we even get to know if he is even capable or should even be considered at being placed at a high regard. I am guilty of this as well. On the first date with a man, believe me, in our minds, we are already thinking about what a relationship would be like with him. We are dissecting and analyzing everything that he does and says. If a man doesn’t set a follow up date, then he isn’t interested, for example. If we are always the one making dates, then he isn’t interested. Sometimes, men get backlash of our frustration when actions are not aligning with words. Women take everything a man tells her as gold. You tell us you like us, dammit, you better like us. You tell us you want to get to know us, dammit; you better put in the effort and make the time. But usually women get irritated when the actions that a man puts out aren’t meeting up with what he is saying. So men remember, action is more valuable than words to a woman. If they are not matching, that might be the reason you are getting attitude.
3. “I don’t get why girls say one thing and mean something different. Like when they say, ‘You can watch the game,’ and then when you do, you get in trouble.” Okay, so this is a tough one. Women, we try not to be overbearing or stand in the way of the time you want to have with yourself or your boys. That goes to say, even if we really prefer for you to spend time with us. We want you to spend time with us because you want to, not because we are forcing you. Sometimes if a woman feels that a man isn’t spending enough time with her, and tries to find every opportunity not to, we are going to get pissed about it. But we don’t want to say it because we don’t want to annoy or bother you.
Another reason is that it could be a test. Women have a great knack of subliminally giving men tests that proves to us where we stand with them, which is why they fail almost every time. So if you say to a woman, “I’m going to watch the game” and she hasn’t really seen you or spent much time with you, oh yea, she is going to be mad because to her, you’re putting the game over her. If a man were to want to spend time with a woman, she will break her neck, most likely, to make time for him. When that effort is not reciprocated, it makes a woman give a man attitude. Try this: Be honest upfront about your time before things progress. Tell us what obligations you have going on and what matters to you. So if you won’t miss a Bengals game for anyone, tell us that upfront. If you have children, two jobs, and outside organizations and you don’t have a lot of time during the week, tell us that too. That way, we will make a decision for ourselves if we want to progress with you.
4. “Why do girls not like other girls when they first meet them? It’s as if they have to prove themselves to each other before they’ll consider them acceptable to hang out with.” Simple enough. Women know what other women are capable of and most of us are naturally insecure. We don’t like being this way, but we are. I’m sure men have their own ways that they are competitive with other men.
5. “Girls and drama! My God, it’s like an episode of Dawson’s Creek! He said, she said…it goes on and on for years. Do you ever get over an argument?” It is hard for me to answer this one because I like to think that I am the “coolest cat I know”. I think drama is another thing that comes along with the territory of being with a woman. You may get less or more depending on the person, but just like we can be emotional, we can be dramatic as well.
If there are more specific questions, men, that you are seeking write them in the comment box and I will get around to answering them the best way I know how…real!