I am sitting on my couch; listening to my Zen Station on Pandora; praying to my Creator; and staring at the ceiling thinking of the purpose of this blog entry. There are so many ideas that I have swarming in my mind I can’t focus and concentrate on what I want to say. I simply breathe and pray, “God, what is it that you want me to share with your people? Use me as your instrument and breathe your message through my fingers and I will obey. Amen”. I glanced at the ceiling one last time, taking three deep breaths and suddenly my thoughts became clear and the message was to discuss pouring love into people even when you don’t understand them. So here it goes.
Imagine this; you are alone on a hilltop. There is no one around you and the weather is perfect. Down in the valley, the grass is the greenest you have ever seen it. The breeze is pleasant and tender almost like its massaging your body and caressing your face. Nothing exists but you, the earth, and God. You are filled with joy that isn’t based on external circumstances. You just are. Suddenly, you look up to the sky and your body becomes a midst and escapes into thin air. You merge with a great beacon of light that is used to guide lost souls to that state of presence and peace that I described. In essence, this is how we live. We are formed and brought into a world of brokenness with a task. The task (or purpose) is given to us before we are created in the womb. All of us have tasks to ultimately redeem this broken world and repair each other to experience God’s original intention for us being created. Heaven. Paradise. A New Earth or whatever you want to call it. In order to do that, we must all consider that each relationship that we encounter is purposeful to developing that person and ourselves to experience spiritual awareness. Meaning, every relationship you have, no matter the significance, you have something that person needs to grow and vice versa. I will use romantic relationships to dive into this concept further.
In Luke 20:27-36 in the Holy Bible, Jesus says, “The people in this world get married. But in the future world, no one who is worthy to rise from death will either marry or die. They will be like angels and will be like God’s children, because they have been raised to life.” Therefore, marriage, along with every other relationship we encounter, is only temporary. It only takes part in this life. But, this scripture further explains why it is so important for everyone to treat their relationships, particularly romantic relationships, with such delicacy and intent. You should not be a in a relationship to pass the time. You should be in a relationship, for the experience of what Gary Zuvak calls, “spiritual partnership”. He says “spiritual partnership is a sacred commitment between the partners to assist each other’s spiritual growth”. Now I know there are some of you who question the institution of marriage and just because I am engaged doesn’t mean I don’t understand that struggle. I very well do. However, it is in my experience that the closer you become with God and understanding the beauty in all things, even the things we don’t understand, you will become closer to wanting and desiring the very things that He wants us to experience in this world because those things will very well prepare you to be joined with Him later. Everything He creates is purposeful even when you don’t understand the purpose.
I tell my husband (soon-to-be) that I am taking on the responsibility of getting him to heaven. That is the blanket clause I am giving myself as his wife (soon-to-be). I very well still see him as my brother in Christ, my friend, my lover, and everything in between. In order for this relationship to work, I am going to outline a few things that I have learned that has helped me love beyond the differences in him that I don’t understand.
1. Pour love into every situation: There are times when I look at him and just don’t understand. Like seriously, I think, I don’t get it (meaning him). There are times when I want to have an attitude and remain upset thinking that it will hurt him more if I am this way and I want him to hurt because I am hurt. But what that behavior is really saying is that “I want to intentionally hurt the person that I have vowed to God to respect and honor because I am CHOOSING to be upset due to the brokenness that still lives in me that isn’t his fault”. Pretty deep, huh? When you purposely hold on to anger or resentment, in any situation, it is due to your own brokenness that exists inside you. It has nothing to do with that person. Notice the key phrase here is“on purpose”. There is a difference between organically being upset vs. purposely acting ugly hoping to make someone angry or upset. That is such a waste of time and energy that could be used to understand and strengthen the relationship. Next time your partner upsets you, remember in about an hour you two are going to be hugging and kissing and it will be okay. Therefore, there is no need to be any more upset than you already are. Think about what you can take away from the situation to grow yourself and your partner.
2. Appreciate what you don’t understand: Sometimes…., I’m lying, almost all the time I think “things would be so much better if he just did it my way”. Will it? Not really. There are so many things about me that I don’t even understand or like so why would I assume that our relationship would be better if everything was done my way? Sure, there are things my partner and I don’t understand about one another. However, instead of spending time criticizing those differences, I try to replace that energy with understanding those differences and how that can be utilized as strengths to uphold him and benefit our relationship. Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of the 5 Languages of Love, said it best when he said, “Learn how to respect each other’s ideas, even when you don’t agree. The idea, in the mind of your spouse, makes total sense; to you, it may be nonsense. Put yourself in her shoes and consider her personality. Seek to understand why she interprets situations the way she does. Don’t argue; instead, acknowledge that her thoughts are valid. After these things, look for a resolution that both of you can agree on. You will probably disagree on things for the rest of your marriage, but they do not have to become stumbling blocks.”
3. Learn your partners love language: I retook the 5 Love Language Test today and to no surprise I landed right where I knew I would. My top 3 love languages in rank are: acts of service, quality time, and words of affirmation. It is so easy to love someone based on how you want to receive love or how you want to give it to them based on what you feel comfortable with doing. However, if you go into a relationship with that limited attitude then you won’t wreap fruit or see your partner grow. You have to get out of your comfort zone and do for them what makes them happy. It is love for me when I cook a meal for my partner and he washes the dishes. To some people that is common courtesy, and I agree, but for me it says “You have served me by preparing food to nourish my body and I am going to serve you by cleaning up the mess as a way to demonstrate my appreciation for all that you do”. When my man offers to do anything around the house or just does something without me asking, that is a bigger win than any piece of jewelry he could ever give me. When he loves me in a way that I recognize it reaffirms his love and commitment to making me happy.
4. NEVER DISMISS EACH OTHER: This is the last principle I will discuss, but I absolutely despise being dismissed. If I want to talk or have something to share, I need your undivided attention. If your partner comes to you with something on their hearts and mind to share, don’t roll your eyes, say how this is so annoying, text or browse Facebook while he or she is talking. They are being vulnerable and trying to be intimate with you by showing their naked truth. When you show that you are not receptive, you are saying to them that what they have to say and their feelings aren’t important. If you are a man reading this, don’t do that to a woman. We are fragile and emotional creatures, some more than others. But if we (women) feel that we can be safe with you and you will protect our hearts when given, I am telling you, there isn’t a mountain, a river, or firing squad that woman won’t endure for you.
*SIDE NOTE: If you wonder why you can’t find a good man or woman, it’s probably due to how you treat the ones you get or what you are attracting based on what is inside of you.
I felt this on my heart because it hurts me when people accept less than what they are worth. We are worthy of all things good and pure because God wants it that way. The universe has been in existence for billions of years and, at best, we live for 85 years. Our lives are too short to not have love the way God wants us to have while we are here. Every single relationship you are in, you are to share your wisdom to bring that person closer to God. When we are called Home our marriages, friendships, social statuses, blogs, or whatever doesn’t matter to God and will eventually fade away with time and become irrelevant. Therefore, while we are here let’s love each other and have the best life we can. The only legacy that will remain is God’s will, which we are all a part of.
“Heaven and earth will disappear but my words will never pass away”. – Matthew 24:35